See you be you and so, be you.

"I've nothing to hide, not even my pride, for the day shall come to be the ride, along it will take me right by your side.
Nothing will cover, beyond my shadows, but above the being, it shall hover.
At peace my heart shall one day be, the feeling of warmth of love from thee.
The day i await to be just me, the day I lift and set my heart free.
Let go myraid worldy affairs, social rules and cultures too.
What they are, desires from the proud, oh how seem to follow the crowd."

Inspired by In the midst of nothingness and just be.
31st Aug 2010

It's Teacher's Day!! :)

Heavy Heart Awaits....

Await in time, a turn of hands, a time to blind, in time it ends. A desire to know the hands of being, but hearts foresee the truth of fleeing. A time shall rise, and one shall see, what life reveals the surrounding plea. Ploughing through my heavy heart, an unsettling thrust with inward trust, on the surface the earth-like crust.

Mis-understood

Misunderstood, lay dead in my hood,
Clarify if you please, Don't Analyse, it doesn't ease,
Understand if you must, don't make it lust,
Cos it hurts and diss, makes understanding a MISS!
Listen first, be patient, please wait, it won't be too late,
In time you will see, answers will come to thee,
Or else, misunderstood, still dead in my hood.

So misunderstood... :(

Remember, don't be done to others too...
Inspired by being misunderstood,

Listening First, it pays to thirst...

17 Aug 2010

Hate this Life.. Hate me....I want to Die..just leave me alone....

Freaking angry!!
What is wrong with me???
Why cant you just leave me alone?
why cant i just understand myself?
why cant i just find myself???
why cant i just leave and let go everything?
What is is that im holding on to?
What is so wrong with me?
I need to know?

Im so frustrated!! FU&K!! FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!FU&K!!

Im not going to accomodate to peoples needs / wants.... I should listen first? Yes! Then what?? I get misunderstood and mess myself up!? i hate being misunderstood...Im sick of it!! I really am... Just help me understand myself...I found it then i lost it.... what's happening? Help me please!!!! help!!! I hate feeling this way...I really hate it....

Why dont you just listen to me in the first place?? Then things wont be messed up by me???
When i say i cant meet up, why dont you just say ok? we'll meet another day? I suggest to meet weds, you say cannot, i suggest thursday, you say cannot? why dont we do this instead????? then i have to work around your time!! what the fish Then when i do, and when things dont turn out well, you want to clarify and then when i do, i think that im not ready???? and think/suggest that you leave me alone for a while when i said that in the beginning???? WTF right?? Its so irritating.. just cos you want it, i do it for you..I might as well just say no and just carry on, saying no and stick with with, and not care so much what you think! then i woulndt get the blame!! Shitty feeling all the time... Why dont you just listen???? Why dont you just listen????

you give me a situation and expect me to fix it?? I maybe i should just ask questions??? but what questions?

I try to accomodate as much as i can then i screw it up...i shouldnt accomodate then??? Doesnt that mean i dont care?
if me having to accomodate to you gets me into so much trouble and misunderstanding then why should i accomodate to you???? WHY WHY WHY??????


Im so bloody lke my mom!! Freakin shit...i hate it... i know she causes her own frustrations cos she accomodates so much to others that she forgets herself!!! How the hell can iget rid of this??? i hate it..i really do hate having her character..i really hope its not a character... id be damned if it was....

I want to really say how i feel, i want to share what i think, what i need, what i want and not really care so much what people think..dun care so much for people!!! Argh!!!

Feel so misunderstood.....its not what i truly want....STOP anaylsing!!! Stop giving me situations...just stop...I just want to understand, but i shouldn't question...the answers will flow....Lost in myself....
I just miss you...i just want you to help me....i need you to help me...i just want you to love me...i need you to love me....

I want to die.....