Hearts Opened....

I just wanna share this weekend here...It was a blast, though the past week was pretty emotional and trying for me in dealing, with not only my emotions and also a dear one, who's in my heart..*smiles* has been all these years...and now significantly in my heart and life...*smiles*

Well, i guess when school started, the stress really hit strong, it probably could be felt through my thoughts, actions and maybe even my deepest personal interests and indulgences...hah! Well, i guess there were other factors too, mentioned in 'Frustrations'...I guess it came to my realization somehow during an experience, that i was really stressed as i wasnt able to perform to the usual...it was just too hard...too much was on my mind and heart that i didnt even realize it was until it affected those i hold dear to my heart...(perhaps the understanding for my shortcomings help us thru these times *Appreciative*) *thoughts & emotions* smiles.....

And chilling out with my dear baby and friends helped a whole lot! We had a blast i must say...
At first i was pretty apprehensive about how i want to enjoy (the usual being wild and crazy), then a thought came to me and well, my heart already opened, and though vulnerable, i was ready to recieve even more, more love....i was to be who i am to be and will be...My heart was free to recieve love....we laughed so hard at times, some tears shared and hearts opened to change and love again, thoughts exchanged, hurts and pains shared....you get my drift....
I guess what i enjoyed most were the laughters..nothing beats laughing, a personal take... my secret to looking younger...hahaha....try it, it works! *winks* let me share the laughter...
My dear sweetheart was singing his song, dedicated to the bunch, so concentrated he was with his singing (btw, i love his voice! *blush*), i played alittle joke on him...we all had a big laugh! My dear baby....*hugs*

I guess ive learned so much in my past relationships with loved ones and friends that i thank God He made me wiser and more mature spiritually and mentally, to deal with my loved ones...especially my darling....I pray still for patience and strength to guide us through this beautiful journey....

My best-friend shared with me out of love and concern, (which is one of my beliefs too, but maybe more difficult for me at times, knowing my heart's nature) that no matter how difficult the emotions are, communication of the hardest words and emotions that are unsettling, needs to be shared with the ones we love...(well, she didnt quite put it in such words, it was simple and short, i just like to expand and colour it for my own understanding. ) I know she means well and looks out for me in times of distress and emotional turmoil and confusion in my heart at times...and im really blessed to have her by my side...anyways, i guess she's sharing her point of view from her experience of being a wedded couple, and i can only appreciate that from the bottom of my heart....ok, i guess i drifted from the main topic...I took my best girls advice and placed it in my own heart in my dealings with people, though at times painful to be vulnerable, i believe it has opened my heart and ears more, and thru these vulnerable moments brought along more love and familiar emotions that were "locked" up all those years....it has made me happier and puts a smile to my face every now and then....i believe my heart that i want this love to work, so i work for it so it works for us....*smiles*
The weekend ended beautifully...slowly and surely in time, my heart opened to new challenges and emotions, and i believe in my heart that I and 'We' can overcome these hard times....I pray to embrace life's challenges with my heart and the Lord by my side to guide me, to lift up my fears of hurts and uncertainties and give me the grace to embrace love in my heart again....

Frustrations....

What is frustration? Frustrate: To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in. I was reading thru the definitions..somehow, i could not really understand it..weird, for someone who uses the word on occasions...well......

What gets us frustrated? Is it the big things or small things in life? Where does it stem from?

From little daily disruptions in our lives? changes? people? character, emotions? habits? ......

My siblings and i were having a discussion about frustrations or being frustrated...well...it ended up having someone being frustrated at the whole conversation...well..see how things work out huh? i felt bad...i guess it drove one to feel frustrated hey...well..i think frustration comes about when maybe one doesnt understand something they want or need to but cant get it...or cant get someone to understand something and hhhmmm so in a way...discouraged?? or dissapointed? upset?

Recently, i guess its an emotional week for me...many things...(ranked in order..haha....) hormones? schools starting, new changes, uncertainties, fears not understood, emotions not understood, giving too much, accomodating to others needs and wants, not having my emotional needs met, not being able to undertstand myself at times....i guess these bring frustrations to a high...and soon, anger manipulates thoughts that could hurt people''s hearts, mood....i guess i did just yesterday and the day before...
I let emotions get to me...and soon frustrations set in...then restrained thoughts, become words... then feelings of my our heart hurts....feelings of sadness and confusion set it...my mind lost... i pray for my heart to help me...it comes and goes...the pull and push factor fight for what
is right...what my heart chooses....its an internal battle with mind and heart....Love helped to console and alleviate the confusion and hurts running thru top speed in my head...but little words spoken....shouldve been? or shouldnt've been? i chose my answer... i guess in between somewhere, Mr. D had a part to play...using fears and weaknesses to instil hurt upon people we love....enough said....
So many fears...some spoken, some unspoken....some felt...i guess i need to pray more...be positive and continue to believe and be by the side of those i need to be with.....
God help me thru this....give me strength to subdue my frustrations, wisdom to give me clear thoughts in times of confusion, courage to overcome my fears that hinder me in life, and Love to open my heart and hearts of people around me so that we can recieve the love that is Yours to have. Thank you Lord for looking out for me and always bein there for me even in the deepest and darkest times...I Love You! *hugs*