Pondering...

Blogging your journal in here.. why? why did i do it in the first place? self-pity? wanting people to know about my life? character? the way i feel? maybe to the extent of sending a message to that particular someone reading the blog...maybe...free will? why? anyways...it helps to ease the pain we have...cos we want people to know how we feel...and maybe get some empathy or sympathy from people.. or friends...
anyways...life is complicated cos we dont know the Purpose in our lives...once we find that out.. we live simpler lives...my life is still complicated..at the mmt too...haha...cos im human and learning to live it simply...i slowly finding my prupose...and i know im on the right track.. im still very much learning...To trust God and have faith in him...its that simple...like ive said...im still learning...a baby...but ive started...i may not need this blog, however, i may still write stuff here...haha...well.. im human.. not god...he has good plans for us...but we go thru tests...easy,challenging, painful, and sometimes silly i guess, to build our character and our love for God...so that he will bring us to eternal life...i believe so...
i'll stop here now....still pondering and learning about things in life and god...HE IS REAL...

Feelings...

Last night was a good one...a friend called...was a surprise..haha...we talked quite a bit...one thing lead to another.. conversation was pretty deep i should say...haha...life's purpose...Oh, im reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. Its a really good book as what i have read so far...something that i know that will drive me to do better in life by serving God...Im not saying its gonna be easy...im sure i will have my weaknesses that i may go astray...and i know that keeping the purpose in my mind when i awake in the morning, before i sleep and all other times when im awake, it will bring me back on the path that has been planned for me...we are human..god made us this way...and he understands...after my friend and i hung up...i was awaiting a msg from someone...it came...it brought a smile to my heart...it was one sms conversation that was good...haha..least i felt it was, thou it had to end cos my friend had something more impt to attend to...i wish that someone well...that i will be there to help when in need...to help let go of grieviances and leave it to the past... The day i decided to let go of my broken heart made me a happier person..i feel that it has made me feel less hurt...thou i still miss him..my first love...even my friend whispered or told me softly that i look different and happier...well...its a start and wish to carry on and help others as well... I Still do fear certain things in life...or moving forward in certain aspects...follow the heart and follow the mind... we cannot just use 100% of either cos we'll end up getting hurt or feel lost or regret...a good mix is good or the better way to go...i also thank my friend..Jason...he's also helped me thru a whole deal and having me understand that a good balance of heart and mind is good and work out....appreciate it alot...God bless him too!

My dad just brought me some hot water...real nice...he prob heard me coughing..haha.quite badly thou i must say...least he has changed in the recent years...for the better...thats good...but i still do not know how to talk to him like a father and daughter...or have a good conversation or least keep it going...its sad...and i feel terrible...im sure my sisS, bro and mom feels tha same too..its hard to describe the situation la...i guess communication in family can be better as well so that Love is more open and we will be more transparent with one another....u know like the All American families u see on TV?? well...i guess this is reality...
Anyways...my heart feels and my mind speaks...hhmmm...thoughts...smiles...its a pleasant feeling to miss someone and know that they miss you too...(wish it was communicated more often thou..hahaha but then again..too much becomes too normal..so im happy as it is now)
May the Lord bring peace to the hearts of the people in the world...family, friends, aquaintences...people...