Today...

This morning was emotional...I didn't have enough to sleep...maybe about 4 or so hours... I woken up early but not sure why a sudden burst of emotions filled my heart and eyes... I was feeling so sad...I got up and thought I'd do something for me today to just relax and be me. But I couldnt.. My emotions got to me..I cried in bed for a while... My bro boiled some hard boiled eggs for me.. Part of the emo was the love and thought my brother had to boil and shell it for me... I cried even more and asked why does this have to happen...I miss John... I asked why he did what he did... If he never did so, things wouldn't be so bad.. But I'm not too sure either... I can't trust, it's so hard to trust...
Last night, I called htc service centre for some help... It was a china national over the other end trying to help me.. I was being a difficult person but making my stand for my unhappiness for the phone issue.. I understood that she was doing her best,.. But the thought that she was a CNational, well, I got even more bitter about it... I was pretty argumentative about it...such a shallow and not so goods thing to do, but well, from the experience that I have gone through the past year and trust issues due to both insecurities...I also believe that he had to reassure me of his intention to be faithful to me...he did, but it proved wrong when things turned on him... Made my worst fears and feelings even more true and trust him much less....
Anyone in a serious relationship to marry, wouldn't do such a thing...isn't that crazy?? Isn't that playing on thin ice? How much did I really mean to him? Even till then trying to protect himself even when he knew he did wrong...who in the right mind would do that to the one you love??
My question is how much do you really want this? Want me? Are you willing to stay true to me? And all the vows in a marriage??