Familiar Warmth & Comfort...

So many thoughts, so many choices to be made....Simple yet complicated to an extent when hearts are at mercy...at least for these i face this day....

Relationships....Work Career or Life Career....

Relationships...there comes to a point where we have to make bold decisions, decisions that affect not only the two lives, but the rest that come along with it....the past weeks have a been Great most of the times...id like to see it that way...

Work...i need to get back on track, especially with the most fragile of the essence of teaching...My sec 5 babies....ive been sorta "neglecting' them, most cos its the examination period..however, i sometimes see a need to consult, and i might be laggin behind. I need to get back on track..not for work but for my students...Dear Lord, guide me and give me the drive and talent you have provided me with to help them bring out the best in each of them and guide me in my decision for each of them as your children. Your will Lord.

Back to relationships...Its been since 2004 that ive tried...or least be serious...The past years have also been a grieving, healing and learning process about myself and others...
i believe at certain points during the personal space process, ive felt for certain others in different ways, but never being able to find the comfort and maybe familiarity that my heart seek. There was once thou short lived and painful...and i thought it was the end, somehow it was growing, and at times, it had to be stripped out of my heart due to certain life situations...if you know what i mean...its not cos i wanted to, but more of i had to..for the happiness of myself and mental understanding of the way of life as it was....
Soon years passed and well, things were goin pretty well, my heart was more open to changes, but yet still felt the same emptiness...soon it became tired of it all...
As the year started, things went alright...and soon the heart that i suppressed of feeling, sorta came back...maybe i didnt really strip it off but just kept it so deep cos somehow, i could not bring myself to..or i knew somewhere i had to keep it for a reason...maybe this was the reason?
i started to feel again...*smiles* this time, the comfort that i once felt and seeked, somehow seem to fill up my heart and put it at ease to a certain extent...Though the comfort and ease set in, certain uncertainties also fell into question...pasts and memories linger around......fears and thoughts set in...maybe confusing and complicating matters....good or bad...Only God knows...and i pray love is guided in my heart...
somehow, giving my heart, seems so easy yet difficult at times...knowing that history might repeat itself...certain history doesnt repeat itself...still there lies uncertainties that we can never be certain about...i guess its a risk we all have to take and hardwork and Love, comes along with it....
Recently, things got to a more serious mode, i try to be level headed and grounded to whats real and how i feel...somehow its still alittle confusion

sometimes i think, we're supposed to be single and live life's purpose...is im meant to be single all my life, so be it, and if my vocation in God's will is to be married, my choice guided, then i pray that i have the strength to overcome the obstacles and challenges in a married life....Thoughts then fill my mind and cloud my heart, and confusion sets in...sometimes, leaving me negative...it doenst do any good for me, neither does it help me decide....hhhmmm....which shall i follow? Heart or mind?

I believe that somethings are felt with the heart...some dare to take the risk of getting hurt, where there are many out there who are waiting, some fearing of pain, not daring to try...i fall into the latter....

I too, not exactly waiting...just living my life in the process and when the right one comes along...i pray that my heart will know...that Love is near....

Love and relationships...somehow through understanding whats love, it never fails to keep my interest in learning it all over again...and seeing if it matches up to what we feel, see and do in the present state of life and love.

anyways...of late, its hard to explain certain feelings that come and go as it brings a certain comfort yet at the same time fear....not really uncertainties...just fears of being hurt again...
i guess ive taken a step forward and somehow, though i feel like turning back, i cant..ive got to move forward...
Last night was an example...it felt good...my heart was open and happy...new things were awaiting...im glad things happened the way they did...somehow it felt right...though alittle fearful...i just knew my heart was happy....i felt the same warmth and comfort...i pray that i have found the warmth and comfort that familiar peace and happiness in my heart...in short...Love...