Happiness..Giving without Expectations

I was with a friend of mine, shared about happiness, at least i knew i wanted to share my thoughts cos i know this friend of mine wants to find happiness....

Not that im a guru of finding happiness or if im entirely right...they are just my opinions and my experiences that brought a bundle of happiness in my life!

well, Ive already put up a short post on it but hopefully someone or this friend of mine does...
anyways, reason why i wanted to share was cos i care....i want my friends to be happy...i want people around me to be happy... sometimes ive even learned to wish happiness for my enemies...it comes to a point where, i believe that to really feel happy is to pray and be happy for that person, from the heart with no intentions of being happy myself... get me here?

well, for example, i want to help the old lady cross the street when i see that she's having some difficulty, i have this urge to help, and yeah, i go help...thats great! and then happiness somehow fills the heart with love and appreciation...thats good, but when it comes to a point where, one does something good for someone, in order to feel good or reap some other benefit in return, then the good deed is just a void....you get what i mean? cos we are still thinking about OURSELVES here....think for a moment and relfect on this...it may be alittle difficult at first cos we may be defensive or blinded by our own feelings about being humble and helpful etc....reflect and ask yourself, why did i want to help the person? "cos i want to relief the suffering of that person" but if the answer continues to either 'cos it was so that i could get on with things more quickly' then there! your answer says you're doing things for your benefit, not entirely the someone alone... get the drift?

well, it may be difficult to understand or master this reflective mode, cos it is thru reflection that we find meaning and reasons for actions and reactions in life..not just descriptive sharings about emotions reflected...we need to go deeper in our hearts...and find the reasons behind reflection sincerely trying to better oneself that is worth the time...being true and honest with ourselves with no self denial...thats true reflection....

We think that so long as we get what we want, the latest phone, clothing, apparel designer goods and what have you, to make you feel good...or buying people things to show whatever feelings you need to satisfy, like buying a meal for someone just to show that you're nice and can afford it or whatever your reason is(but if you mean it then, by all means, just sometimes we are blinded by certain insecurities that we do not see as 'selfish' at that particular point...which could be related to being self-centred, and thinking about oneself...weird but true...go reflect....)....but then i tell you honestly and bluntly, thats not a way to find happiness...buying material goods or services isnt a surefire way to get True Happiness....to a minute extent it gives short term happiness, short lived...yeah, it makes you feel 'happy'...but then what? so it means that i need to buy someone something more expensive to feel good? i tell you, your pocket will be crying its threads out if this is the case...yes, im not saying dont but gifts for loved ones...by all means do..but dont buy something that you cant afford for heaven's sake...it doesnt make you that happy at all too isnt it?? the happiness, it doesnt last, you want something more! even something better, yeah, i say thats human...we have a tendency to do that, however, we must realise and understand that these are all material wants, and theres always so much we can give..theres a limit, cos we have limits for our money....

I want to share this personal feeling, and yeah, im still somehow in question with myself...
i got my bonus, it was a pretty good one if i compare it to those who have less...thou if i want to see it in another way, its not what i deserve, i deserve better for all that ive done compared to somewho do less and get more...of course i feel so 'shit'...definately, BUT WHOS to say that i didnt deserve it? me! when i got my bonus, i was somehow happy, that i had that more in my account...but there was a stronger feeling of emptiness that filled me and dissatisfaction of like, no matter what i do, i will never be good enough...i cnat find an explanation yet...and also ive tried to figure this weird and new emotion out...i thought i did...but when i shared it with my best friend, somehow it was not IT...so im still searching for that reason to fill that emptiness and dissatisfaction...and when i do...i shall share it...*haiz*

anyways, frankly, i was someone who was just like that, about more than 5 years back...i used to think that i need to dress well, put up a good image, get myself things to make me feel good, cos i was feeling bitter about my life (which i didnt think i was, till God came into my life)...and not that i dont try to look good or dress well, i still do but much less with more modesty...ahaha...and thats when God found me, or when i found God, Love was put back into my life and helped me to see things, myself, others from a different light....i was so inspired and so many things changed in my life!

Let's look at it this way...we have limits to our resources... money for one...we cant spend what we dont have or know we cant afford...right? so what is so rich, that we can give ALL the time without losing any?? LOVE (you might say, we lose love when we lose a loved one, a bf, or someone close, are we really losing love?? i tell you, honestly, NO...we have too much of it to lose any...think about it, we just lose someone who loved us or we love...we dont lose love...Love is always in our hearts...some just hidden away...well....Love is God...God is Love...Love is Free...God gave us love...freewill...God gives us things that never ends....life that never ends...it continues....Life after death...which is also life after life...
God knows our every weakness and needs, He gives us things for the better, sometimes he takes people, or things away our lives for our good... for our Happiness, for us to Grow in 'LIFE'...He wants us to be happy, now same analogy, which parent wouldnt want that for his/her child right? (at least the majority of parents, some just need help to help their child but just dont see the need...sad but true...*winks*) anyways... yeah....

Just to share, one of the small changes, that changed my life wonderfully was to think of others more....(not interms of generosity or being a sting or anything, was more of, thinking about oneself in feelings too much....) what hit me was this sentence i recalled when i was in in teens, about 16 or 17, " dont think that you're the only person going thru this!, there are others out there feeling the same thing, or even worse off!"
I realised that i cared mostly for myself, how i felt, why am i so alone, why is it that i only have what i do, why isnt my life happy like it used to be...how come people dont like me, why am i treated this way, why do i get all the shit work, why do i have to work so much and get paid so little? why this, why that and the list goes on and on.....if you realise, its just a small issue, blown out of proportion...it seems so huge, cos thats all we think about, thats why.....all theses points to only ONE THING...WHY ME?? its all about 'ME'.. all i thought about was myself...and guess what? it didnt make me feel any better...it made me feel more miserable and ever more alone, thinking that people just would dislike me if i showed how i really felt, or who i really am... anyways.....another example, people who work..this is an example, thats if people want to compare and think that they're much worse off and ought to be paid more than what they are earning...thinking to highly of oneself...well, i'll site you my example...people think being an educator is easy...or like we work from 7 to 2pm... oh please...we do ALOT of other things besides teaching hours...teaching hours alone is already pretty packed with work, like lesson plans, lesson activities, student work, preparing ppt slides, interactive games or activities that are student centred etc...and much more i tell you and this is just the teaching part... teachers still do have to run CCAs for students, manage students, organize camps, liaise with external companies or internal vendors to conduct these activities and workshops...stretch students who have potential by creating avenues for performance or external activities to build leadership qualities, send for competitions, performances, managing finances, budeting, logistics and so much more, AND...committee, planning sch activities (which external vendors can actually be utilized that sch cant seem to provide budget for).. and besides this, theres ALOT ALOT ALOT more...hahaha...i shall stop here...and move on...well, then i look at myself and ask, there are alot of people out there who are worse off than what im doing..either underpaid or paid alot with tonnes and tonnes of work and responsibilities...however true that is...i still see it positively, that the skills that i acquire, i use for my future and what God has planned for me to be ready for and to do...cos after all, im managing, and learning so many new things...and i believe they are for my growth for my purpose and my life! and i am seeing it happen....thats why it deepens my faith and trust in the lord...and well, i do fear Him when i sin especially...haha...
anyhows....this blog is about happiness right? yes, i see things positively and im happy that i have to suffer and work so hard...:)

yeah, coming back...it was about me....i cant really remember how i changed, but i guess i found a love in my life about 7 years back...and about 4 years back after 4 years thru (confused? haha)...to focus on...i gave my heart completely...i gave the best i had....i guess God gave me someone to love...and to share my lonely burden kept inside for years....and i was relieved of these past hurts and my heart became sweet and loving again...haha.....at least i think...haha..and, well, things had to end for a reason....and realization took place a few years back when God came into my life even stronger now...and made me see things even more faithfully and open hearted...and Happiness came in my heart for a really long time till now...and yes, i am happier in many many many aspects in my life....

We need to love others and give without expectations...not so as to feel good in return, but to just love and give to make someone happy...of course we have to still think of ourselves too, we cant be SELFLESS...no...we still need to love ourselves before we love others too...we need sort of a balance...

But the underlying answer to happiness is God...cos with God, there is Love, where there is Love, nothing is too much trouble, and there is always time...We give time and Love without expecting, to find true happiness.....Ive learned....

If we only didnt think of ourselves too much all the time.....the place would be a better place to live in and a more peaceful and happy place to live in....