Choices...Move Life!!

Reflected: 18/8/08

I had a choice...
The temptation was there.

For now, overcoming the temptation with the guidance of my heart (God).

I was taught, I learned, i rationalized with my heart, and head.

I used to be self-absorbed/self-concerned, confused, frustrated, cos i didnt wait for time, i was impatient, i was prideful. Now, ive learned the works of wonder and time....patience is key, humilty is worth.

When i say i was taught, i was taught for preparation for something great. I learned to wait in time for things i cannot change, for things i have not control over, soon my heart says 'GO'...you are ready...realization then flows along as thoughts flow in my mind, knodding along as if listening to a teacher of Love, ready to teach me about life's lessons and life's wonders and miracles...

At the beginning, as a 'child of God', I used to think i knew alot...and honestly yes i did to a good(at that point in time) extent, and No, to a great extent (humbling thru life lessons). To a certain degree, i learned about people just by being with them. Then soon, 'Life!' came into my life...That's when i chose the spiritual path, not because i was forced to, but a personal choice after miracles and miracles...I was in fear, and the only place of comfort i seeked even before i found 'Life', was Prayer with God...

I remebered when i was young, i was introduced to the Catholic Faith (Being a cradle catholic, it was obvious how it sorta was introduced) ,though i was neither here nor there in my younger days, questions filled my mind at times and before i knew it, i was a lapse Cat.

Cut the long exciting story short to the learning journey, i struggled with my emotions thru my secondary life more...i knew what I wanted and loved to do in life, even thru my poly days, but Faith was lost somewhere in between, and so was my passion for what I loved to do and who i was. Carefree and me. (I wanted what i want, to a point of being ignorant about Life itself, good or bad...depends...*smiles*)

Soon, I was put down, torn apart..By myself, and 'friends' around me,i fell into darkness...without realization, i fell even deeper and 'I' was the root to my own darkness...

As years passed by, life lessons and tests and trials nutured my gifts from God...my talents in physical abilities too, shone throughout Primary, Secondary and Poly life...i was very very blessed, sometimes prideful, at times humble...I struggled... I realized years ago my blocks and hinders in life..my own pride...and pride has its own way of dealing with life...

I learned since and have learned to recognise, so as to have self-control to build humilty in life....somethings are hard to change, takes time, and i know i have changed since...especially my pride, it broke down many walls for me, to build bridges that i need to. I was taught with Love, that i need to rebuild my bridge. I need to go back, relfect on what was made to make my bridge then, and see what else i can use to restore the cracks along the way so as to build my foundation to construct a 'New' and stronger bridge...going back is not an esay process, cos it means we need to learn to re-learn...the re-learning part, i know, will be easier than to unlearn thru relfection on how it was built, cos pride is the challenge here. It would bring back pain, hurt and darkness as how it was before, and well, thou' i know in my heart that it'd be a challenge to go back, it is necessary, cos the basic building block of a bridge foundation has to be built first! Go back to the basics, then learn life's lessons as we move 'Life' forward with us. but not with 'Life' moving us forward...it makes a whole lot of difference...

Anyways, somewhere along time, i realized my pride, and somehow along the years sharing it with love turned a blow right smack in my face unexpectedly, (right or wrong to certain degree i want to say, i chose to be vulnerable, i learned its hard, and it builds humilty) my heart hurt and and as human as i can be, a retaliation was to be fired, but knowing and understanding the situation i was in and with God's strong guidance, i didnt.

I had to swallow my pride in silence as i knew in time, in God's time, when one's ready to understand, that true understanding will come in time.... Pride as my weakness was used against me, my strength too, patience was also used against me... i was torn, for many reasons...but i held my heart in my hand for God to hold...I prayed and prayed for me to understand....i did in time...I did...God knows i did...that's all that matters for now....Humilty? God will answer that for me....

Inspired by the Realization of Fear & Pride.

"Lost i was in my own depths of weakness and self-pity,
That grew so dark, i couldnt see the light in front of me.
Pain i felt, as i walked on and on,
Blind as i was, a cause of forlorn.

Spiralled i did, and 'it' was happy,
"Attached" to me, i just wouldnt see.
Many attempts did God peer through,
But pride i had, i closed and withdrew.

And deeper i sank, in darkness i was,
Unrealized it went , 'I', the greatest cause.
The thought of 'I' seemed so small,
Boy! it was, my greatest downfall.

Again God came in many human ways,
Still i was clouded, it was plain to see.
Through the clouds, shone down the rays.
Back and forth, still, i chose to BE.

Life still filled with Love from above,
But a struggle is was to fly like a dove.

And soon I came to finally see,
The LOVE that stood right in front of me.
Say goodbye the dark entity,
To Spread my wings, Flying free."

Self-Composed...All Thanks and Praise to God.