A Miracle...A Reason...

This is an experience that my family and I went thru...a Miracle and a reason behind it that we didnt see and only set in and realised only after 7-8 years...
This blog entry is a continual from my previous blog so read that first to understand why im writing this...

This is about my brother who is aged 16 this year..taking his N levels...he wouldnt be here today if not for God..a Miracle and choice that God gave my brother...

When my brother was age 7, he was diagnosed with hypertension and his rare disease, fibromuscular dysplacia, (weakening and thickening of vessels/artery in any part of the body.. in my bros case, thinning in his brain vessels which caused the anuresms, and thickening at his main artery to his right kidney) its a long story about his disease...its a lifelong disease which requires lifelong medication...He had brain haemorrage.. he had 2 minor bleeds prior which caused a severe headache when it happened.. the third put him into a coma...for 8 days...many things happened...it has been long since i recounted this...but i remember it very clearly...

It was an ordinary night..1oth December 1997, about 2am-3am...my parents were asleep with my brother...what was weird (which at that time it wasnt) was that 3 of us sisters were up talking...usually it doesnt happen often...then... we heard our brother scream in pain...we all rushed to the room.. my parents got up to pacify him...he was sub-conscious..we thought it was just a bad dream...then he sorta woke up and went to puke...convulsion...at this point of time, we still didnt know it was serious..what happened next was, we lay him on my parents bed, and tried to wake him up..it was weird... i felt like something was wrong...i was like how come he couldnt get up? or wake up.. then my mom said let him sleep..then what happened next just put everyone quiet for about 2 seconds.. then chaos and panic...while he was breathing, it seemed like something was lodged up his wind pipe (larynx)...and seemed like it would block the passsage way...and then the unthinkable happened...he stopped breathing.. like a balloon deflating.. like all life and breath just oozed out like a sigh...then his lips turned pale... at this point of time we knew something was wrong...my eldest sis called out "call ambulance"do CPR.. my twin sis went to the phone in the hall...and in a panic she thought 911...at this point, my eldest sis also called out do CPR! (which was supposed to be mouth to mouth resusscitation..haha too long anyways...) and i was next to him..for some reason, i was calm and i knew what to do...i did what i saw on 911, the American series...(all in about 5-10 secs) sis and i checked his pulse, he had a pulse "phew"...i lifted his head to align his air passage, squeezed his nose and blew into his mouth....to be sure ...i blew twice...think it got rid of what was stuck in the air passage...then he started breathing again...his lips became pick again... but i guess he was already unconscious...it was happening all so quickly.. my mom and dad were the ones in shock and didnt know what to do... we decided to carry him down to wait for the ambulance to come... all mom could do was to hold him and carry him.. and my dad.. all he did was wear his pants!...to think of it right now..it was a very comical scene...then we headed down to KK.. mom followed bro in ambulance...and dad drove us all in the car...or van.. cant rem...but along the way...my father did what he does when things go wrong...*will leave this out for privacy and respect* we reached KK...we waited outside the emergency unit for news...my dad again...anyways...he was rushed to the ICU to see the brain surgeon...we waited outside the ICU...for hours...it was like forever...then the doc came out and spoke to my mom... i really think she was strong to take the info and make a decision for this time...She is a very mentally strong person i must say... then things happened..another story to tell.. anyways...she had to decide to operate or not... doc said, 50% chance that he'd pull thru..and doc might even abandon halfway thru the op if the brain is too swollen...

my mom broke the news to my relatives soon after he was wheeled into OR...slowly they came streaming into the ICU...where we waited for i cant rem how many hours...8 or 9 i think...during this time, my uncle spoke to my twin sis and i to be ready if he didnt make it thru...in my heart i was like "dont say that" he will make it thru...i was only 15 /16 years old then and it didnt sink as deep as it should...i guess i can call it "numb"...at some point i think he was sent to TTS hospital for some scanning.. cant recall...hard to put events in order...
weird and crazy things happened while waiting during the OP, i cant even remember the sequence of how things happened..that was how delusioned i was...what more for my mom...my mom said she saw or felt the presence of her parents...goin in and out of the ICU...talking to her when she was asleep...other things as well...

we all waited outside this OR.. like in the movies...it was such a quiet moment..and so many people...about 20 odd people...my eldest sis was embraced and comforted with he bf, my mom with my aunt..and me, i think my uncle.. cant rem...anyways...it brought good news and bad news...the doc didnt give up although his brain was so swollen, he still went ahead and his reason was, he was still young so he tried...bad news was, he was in stage 8 comatose...(the 2nd last stage of comatose..means no pupil dialition response...he may never wake up or if he does, he could be a vegetable or wouldnt remember us...)

Then as he was wheeled into the ICU room for "recuperation".... thats when things got crazy... she fainted as soon as she spoke to the doc about his condition...a nurse brought a wheel chair...my mom went alittle berzerk...she started "talking to" my bro...like a mad person would do...she wasnt herself...other details will be left out....i guess i wouldnt ever understand what she was going thru as a mother...and the pain and guilt etc...but that was the first time things were haywired for my family...it was the start of the life that we had to go thru...

we spent many days outside the ICU...we slept outside at the waiting area, we brought like quilts and pillows etc... the ICU was like our second home...We couldnt tell day from night cos we left the hospital to take our necessary needs...we only had our watches to tell..
anyways...in his coma..we spoke to him, how he should be strong, my mom was beside him every moment to be there for him, she never left him(cept for toilet breaks)...he was under so many drugs...high dosage of morphine...and many more...My family prayed and prayed for the first time as a family...called in priests and just a prayer group came down to pray for us...it was such a blessing....on the 7th day...he started to show some sign of waking up..his finger moved..he didnt really need the respirator or at least could tell he was breathing for himself..i think....the nurse and doctor was surprised and hopeful...it was a miracle!! my mom said even if he was a vegetable, it woud be ok.. so long as he wakes up...

my eldest sis and mom were there... then he opened his eyes...he had the respirator in his mouth so he couldnt talk...we asked him stuff if he could rememeber...to blink his eyes etc... and he could remember!! Us....we were in tears of joy...my mom explained what happened to him and where he was etc...so he would understand...it was a miracle that he woke up and a miracle that he remembers almost everything...Thank God and Praise the Lord...

when the respirator was removed and was more able to talk...my eldest sis and mom were there...the first question that my brother asked my mom was, "where are we? are we dead?" are we angels...my brother had a near death experience..he said he saw a very bright light...calm, peace etc...he met God and had a conversation with him...wont go into that, my story is already very long...the gist was God gave my brother a choice...to stay in heaven(peace, love and eternal life) or to go back down to earth and suffer his medical condition...my brother chose us..he said he could see my mom crying and sad from where he was up there...thats why he chose to be back..i guess thats when he woke up...

anyways...from this...we were all saddened and asked why him?... why not me? he still had his life to go thru...physical activities were out of the question... dietary habits to change.. alot more...he couldnt do alot of things...long story....
THIS HAPPENED FOR A REASON... many many reasons....

1. I know that what i learned from this was alot of patience...i used to be quick tempered...i was more tolerant...so i am what i am now..
2. More appreciative of life and people...it starts to "die off" after a while....and back to our "take-for-granted" life...
3. Bring us closer as a family.. to pray together...be more open and share our life events together...feelings etc...it brought us closer but not as close...it also "died-down"...
4. Go back to church and praise and bring us closer to God...didnt really work for years...
5. few more....

anyways...years passed...filled with worries...pain...silent pain...guilt and making up for past losses...no thanks for God after a while.. i speak for myself....went to poly...brother back in school... hard to cope...cos he forgot his primary school work..of 2 years.. he had to start from scratch...etc..

notice we didnt have God in our lives as much as he wanted us to...i forgot about him... it was only during personal crisis that i looked for him...or called out to him...this was the way of life that i was leading.. the way of the world.. worries, paranoia..etc...

What else came from this...recently in 2005 aug-sept...things changed for the worse again... a battle between God and Satan...to test our Faith in God...only to get better...and for the good of our spiritual life...it was my brother again...now spiritual happenings started...take note.. this happened during the 7th month.. so you can imagine what could have happened...it carried on for 2 months.. it was like a struggle for my brother, and the whole family...Another Long Story...i have shared some parts of the story with my close friends...probably to testify that God is real...

During this time, i was filled with Guilt, fear, worry, confusion etc...ontop of this events, my work stresses and personal struggles etc...it was alot to handle...but i did...because from this i saw a reason...a reason for things that i have to go thru in life...my life changed...

It was only in September or November thru this experience with God and all his Goodness and Love and presence that changed my life... the way i live and think...My spiritual faith in God deepened very much...He has become an everyday focus & priority of my life...(at least i try to...) God is now put in front and definately thought of alot more and thankful for all the little things in life..and well, alot more others...

1. I moved on from my past hurt...i could let go of my pain, anger etc...
2. I was less worried...more thankfu etc...
3. Prayed more...Amazing others... self explanatory...those who know me would know...
4. Brought our family closer...we should be praying together more but i guess its weird.. wasnt part of history to pray together...we should get over it and try thou...will see how...its how we feel i guess that we're not doin it...hhmm.. sorry God...
5. Attending mass on sunday...Goin to church for mass was different...it has now become very part of me...
6. Sharing God with others.. being more open about Him...hoping God to touch their lives too..

it is hard... i guess what i want you to see is that..it took so much pain and suffering to see the reason behind my brothers experience that affected our own....it took 7 years for us to see and build our Faith (at least it took me that long for my faith in God.. cant speak for the rest of family... probably earlier for sis)...Like the Father said today during mass... "building faith is a slow process"...it comes with pain and suffering....

I believe my brother is God sent to our family..an "accident" brought to our family...for a reason...to bring us closer to God..thru event in our lives...

So those who are feeling hopeless or at least wondering why this world is filled with cruelty and hatred...this is the Way Of The World...we should start living The Way of Christ... then we will see the path and reason... we do become complacent and fall back (pain etc...)...but we should always move forward again...we will be happier and find peace, love and joy in the pain and sufferings we go thru...we suffer and go thru pain as Christ did...have Faith in our Father and walk the path to salvation....with God guiding us and giving us strength every step of the way...

Thank you God for your guidance thus far...i pray for my friends who are suffering and i pray that you be with them and feel your presence so that they may build more faith in you...

God Bless you reading my blog....cheers!!