Misunderstood..One Sided Story of Perception

Just wanted to say that things have been going rough...That's life isnt it?

Have i not mentioned that PRIDE IS THE ROOT TO ALL OUR UNHAPPINESS AND FRUSTRATIONS???
Well, i want to say is clear again...but im not saying that i am not...I recognise that i am cos im only human, and at least i acknowledge my weakness....for years now, i still am struggling with it...

People somehow loves others more when they see them weak...?? well, it seems to be pretty apparent...at least i have heard or read it...

Will just put it as I know certain things...
Misunderstood because of others insecurities...thats life, tolerate and accept...where's the line drawn?
I love reading books to do with psychology and maybe socialogy or some anthropology on human behaviour...well, i know there is a reason for this interest...Its for my purpose in life... I see it more clearly now....i just needed to be guided and follow my heart and think more about life's "signs"....

Anyways, i was getting to this book, i got it only cos my heart said, get it, and whats a blessing was that it popped out of nowhere and struck me somehow...i just opened and flipped to a chapter, and it stared back at me...immediately, the chapter caught my heart and interest...
i was guided to read just that chapter first last week cos it was something that needed some attention...then i didnt read it till just today...

anyways, about misunderstood...well, a real blessing happened last night...it didnt go really as planned cos i think i missed out one major detail planned...i asked a little too late...and well, i realised i did only this morning...i was pretty much a zombie for the whole morn...people were asking...one that hit me was a science lab tech, we crossed paths and we exchanged our usualy hi's, but today he stopped and asked if i was ok, and he said im not myself (imagine, someone i dont even meet often, just hi's and bye's telling me that??) he said that im usually very smiley and bubbly in school, and if everything was ok, he was being a gentleman...so i just gave that i was not feeling well, which is true to some extent...little did he know that my heart was torn and depressed...it made me smile today...that was the only thing that made me smile...my students made me smile too...i thank God for them...really..they do fill my life with Love....not because they listen to what i say, but because they are real, they teach me, help me grow help me learn and unlearn...thats why i Love...

I can see that a majority against myself isnt goin to help me here, cos they have their perceptions and believe in it, pardon me and im not saying its wrong, but i see it clearly from the outside and know whats happening, and well, who doenst want the best for their loved ones? sometimes that love blinds and irrational view or principles are a 'Must' for them...

Its a challenging choice that im taking here, guided and somehow blinded...you may not fully understand what i mean cos you wont until you know what im implying here...anyways, ....

Im tired...so tired..my hearts tired, my mind' tired...Lord, I need strength to get thru this...you know me, if i can take it, give me strength, if i cant, then take it away and give me the courage to make that choice and strong to face that choice...

Im wavering in and out of this...to carry on cos its my life and path ive chosen, or to leave and fulfil my other needs to help others instead...maybe less emotionally tiring maybe not....
im just so bummed now..

I just want to leave with this...Someone said, if you know the persons character is like so, the accomodate and give and do all that i can... selfish? not selfish?
I know its from the same perception and one perception...self...though thinking about others but more for self...hard to understand cos im not stating the big picture here...

Like a plant...its got roots(values), how deep it goes, depends...then its got the main stem(perception from root values), which branches out to smaller stems(another perception similiar from the root values, just smaller), then maybe more small stems from this smaller stems (still from the same stem isnt it?means same values) then comes the fruit or flowers(outcomes & consequences of the perceptions stemmed from the same perception)

My point here is that it does not matter how this 'PLant' Sees things, even if its from so called "another" perspective, its still stems from the same stem same values same perspective! and this isnt the big picture or taking a step back...it is really hard or almost impossible to say that we can see the whole picture and say its from an outsiders perception...even if we do see the whole picture, our perception usually may still go with the value or perception that we originally have...so no matter how we say we can give a third perspective, honestly, we cant or dont!!
we(you) will always "side" the perspective or value of ours because its from the root and stem of where its from!!....Only someone from the outside can see what's goin on, and whats really happening... thats why we need friends or other people other than our members to be forthright in setting things into place...to give us maybe a totally different perspective, other alternative ways of seeing things... i may not get my point thru clearly..but i will try again...Think about it, if i am able to see things this way, it explains how clearly and self-ware the thoughts are, it surely means something, that i do see things for what it is or they are...just that others may not be aware that it also viewed from this angle..the big picture angle...for you to make sense of it...
Apply it in families, it could give a clearer picture of what i mean too...we are what our families "feed" us...sometimes unrealised that we are groomed by this culture that is thru unconscious or unknowing influence....

Help me Lord....Help me...Save me....